85 Best Christmas Quotes, That’ll Make You Laugh Till the New Year

Christmas is the best time of the year, and Christmas quotes are fab for Christmas. As much as it takes a lot of time, effort, and money to prepare for Christmas, It’s still a holiday we just can’t help but love and look forward to.

Christmas songs, Christmas movies, Christmas Jokes and Christmas quotes all spice up this wonderful holiday and ignite our Christmas spirit.

We have compiled the best funny, Inspirational, Family, and Christian Christmas quotes that will definitely bring a smile to your face.

You can use some of these Christmas quotes in Christmas cards messages for your family and friends.

Funny Christmas Quotes

“Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.” – Author Unknown

Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Author Unknown

“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” – Bridger Winegar

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree , in the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall – Larry Wilde

“Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal.” – Lenore Hershey

“There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas.” – Robert Staughton Lynd

If you can’t wrap Christmas presents well, at least make it look like they put up a good fight.” – Author Unknown

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.” Author Unknown

“Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy’.” – Robert Paul

Be naughty save Santa the trip. – Author Unknown

“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” – Will Ferrell, “Elf”

Dear Santa, Before I explain, how much do you know already? – Anonymous

Don’t blame the holidays you were fat in August. – Anonymous

Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip. – Gary Allan

“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” – Johnny Carson

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple

Dear Santa, this year please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body , you mixed those two up last year. – Anonymous

“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” – Anonymous

I am only a morning person on December 25^th. – Anonymous

Its beginning to cost a lot like Christmas. – Anonymous

“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” – Anonymous

Christmas: The only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree eating chocolate out of socks. – Anonymous

It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list. – Anonymous

Why is Christmas just like a day in the office? You do all the hard work and a fat guy in a suit gets all the credit. – Anonymous

“Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.” – Kin Hubbard

“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” – Andy Borowitz

“There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.” – Bob Phillips

“Santa Claus had the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge

“Christmas is a race to see which gives out first—your money or your feet.” – Author Unknown

“One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.” – J.K.Rowling

“I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.”– Winston Spear

“Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” – Melanie White

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. – Phyllis Diller

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I’ll drink the red. – Anonymous

Three Wise WOMEN would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, bought practical gifts, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and there would be peace on earth! – Anonymous

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly. – Andy Rooney

Some people are born for Halloween, and some are just counting the days until Christmas. –  Stephen Graham Jones

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.” – Bernard Manning

Family and Inspirational Christmas Quotes

At Christmas, all roads lead home. – Marjorie Holmes

Christmas Eve, a perfect night to express affection for your family, to forgive those who failed you, and to forget past mistakes. – Anonymous

May the spirit of Christmas bring you peace, the gladness of Christmas give you hope, the warmth of Christmas grant you love. –  Anonymous

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. – Burton Hillis

Probably the reason we all go so haywire at Christmas time with the endless unrestrained and often silly buying of gifts is that we don’t quite know how to put our love into words. – Harlan Miller

Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even when you’re home. – Carol Nelson

Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it’s Christmas. – Dale Evans

From home to home, and heart to heart, from one place to another. The warmth and joy of Christmas, brings us closer to each other. – Emily Matthews

Christmas Prayer: Guardian angel pure and bright, please lead Santa here tonight. – Anonymous

Love the giver more than the gift. –  Brigham Young

Christmas is like candy; it slowly melts in your mouth sweetening every taste bud, making you wish it could last forever. –  Richelle Goodrich

It’s not what’s under the Christmas tree that matters, it’s who is around it. –  Anonymous

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. –  Norman Vincent Peale

Love is what is in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen. –  Anonymous

Christmas magic is silent. You don’t hear it – You feel it. know it. You believe it. – Kevin Alan Milne

Christmas is a season not only of rejoicing but of reflection. – Winston Churchill

This time of year means being kind to everyone we meet, To share a smile with strangers we may pass along the street. – Betty Black

Love came down at Christmas, Love all lovely, Love Divine, Love was born at Christmas, Star and Angels gave the sign. – Christina Rossetti

Christmas is not a time or a season but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.
– Calvin Coolidge

Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas. –  Peg Bracken

The light in a child’s eyes is all it takes to make Christmas a magical time of the year. – Anonymous

At Christmas play and make good cheer, for Christmas comes but once a year. – Thomas Tusser

Christmas is a tonic for our souls. It moves us to think of others rather than of ourselves. It directs our thoughts to giving. – B. C. Forbes

When we recall Christmas past we usually find that the simplest things, not the great occasions, give off the greatest glow of happiness. –  Bob Hope

Christmas isn’t about candy canes or lights all aglow, it’s the hearts that we touch, and the care that we show. –  Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love. – Hamilton Write Mabie

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. – Charles Dickens

May the Christmas season fill your home with joy, your heart with love, and your life with laughter. –  Anonymous

It’s Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air. – W. T. Ellis

Christian Quotes For Christmas

When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs? –  G.K. Chesterton

Bless us Lord, this Christmas, with quietness of mind; Teach us to be patient and always to be kind. – Helen Steiner Rice

And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. – Luke 2:10

May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through!  – Anonymous

And there were shepherds out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them. – Luke 2:8-9

We have seen His star in the East, and have come to worship Him. – Matthew 2:2

Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you: he is Christ the Lord.–  Luke 2:11

Good news from heaven the angels bring, Glad tidings to the earth they sing: To us this day a child is given, To crown us with the joy of heaven.
– Martin Luther

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men. – Luke 2:13-14

O star of wonder, star of night, Guide us to thy perfect light. – John Henry Hopkins Jr.

She shall bring forth a son, and thou shall call His name Jesus; for He shall save His people from their sins. – Matthew 1:21

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. – Isaiah 9:6

Christmas is joy, religious joy, an inner joy of light and peace. – Pope Francis

May the beautiful lights of every holiday season remind us of Him who is the source of all light. –  David A. Bednar

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. – Luke 2:14

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